Mental health strategies to survive the festive season: Tips for transgender men.
The holiday season, with its sparkle and cheer, often brings a complex blend of emotions for many people. Even more so for the transgender community. In this article, I share some mental health strategies for transgender men to assist in surviving the holidays.
The unique challenges the transgender community faces during the holidays
For many of us, the holidays aren't just about celebrations; they're a maze of emotional and social challenges. From the family table where dead-names might resurface like painful ghosts, to festive gatherings where our identities might feel like uninvited guests. It's a season that can amplify our struggles with identity, belonging, and mental wellness.
Establishing Boundaries: Our First Line of Defense
Communicating your needs and limits to family and friends might seem daunting, but it's a cornerstone in building a healthy holiday experience. It's not just about saying "no" - it's about affirming your identity and self-worth. Assertively, yet kindly, express what you're comfortable with, whether it's the name and pronouns used, or the topics you'd prefer to avoid.
I understand this can be easier said than done. I am an A-grade people pleaser. I understand the challenge standing up for yourself poses. Becoming assertive is a lifelong learning process. The first step in creating boundaries is to start with small things. Try and practise assertiveness in other areas of your life that are less emotionally loaded. The more you practise assertiveness the better you will get at it.
If you are like me and your assertiveness can use some work I would recommend that you check out the article Assertiveness, Non-Assertiveness, and Assertive Techniques. It is full of helpful tips for being more assertive without becoming aggressive. It is important to maintain the balance because a supportive community will be invaluable to your mental health.
Building a Supportive Community: We're Not Alone
One of the most powerful holiday mental health strategies for transgender men I've discovered is the strength of community. The holidays might sometimes feel like a lonely island, but there's a sea of support around us.
I have been lucky enough to have friends and family who support my identity. I spend most of my time and energy with them. I try not to waste any energy on those who do not support me. The battle for your place in the world will take up enough of your energy. Don’t waste a morsel of that precious energy on unsupportive people.
If you do not currently have a support network in place I urge you to start building one. There are wonderful online groups on Facebook specifically for the support of transgender men. You can also cast a wider net by looking for transgender support groups that cater for a wider gender spectrum. The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) is another great resource to find LGBT Support Groups.
A supportive community is great for our sense of belonging and for having someone to lean on when times get tough. But remember: Your first ally should be yourself. When you love yourself you will attract the right support.
Self-Care and Mindfulness: The Quiet Revolution
In the whirlwind of the festive season, self-care can be revolutionary. I've found mindfulness to be a grounding force. Be it through meditation, journaling, or simply mindful breathing, these practices can anchor us in the present, away from the tumult of the past and the uncertainty of the future. In essence, mindfulness is about being focused on the present.
For me, mindfulness begins with writing. I keep a journal and write in it as often as I can. I don’t think about what to write, I just write. This technique is called free writing. It can be cathartic and often puts things in perspective for me.
Rachael Kable wrote a very helpful article with Mindfulness Activities that you can play around with. See what works for you.
Boundaries, a supportive community and self-care are all very important aspects of caring for your mental health so that you can survive and thrive. Sometimes though there will come moments when it is not enough. It is a difficult journey we are on. And sometimes we need that little bit of extra help to get through.
Professional Support: An Anchor When Needed
Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Starting therapy with a therapist who is sensitive towards transgender issues made a world of difference for me. Therapy for me was a lifeboat in very stormy waters and oftentimes prevented me from drowning completely.
Finding a therapist over the holidays can be tricky business though. If you are in need of urgent help SADAG operates during the holiday season. You can find their emergency hotline numbers here: SADAG Holiday Season Hotline.
Celebrating Your Identity: The Heart of the Holidays
Amidst the holiday hustle, celebrating our transgender identity can be profoundly liberating. I've found joy in creating new traditions that honour my journey. It might be a small ritual, a gathering with close friends, or a personal moment of reflection. Celebrate yourself, for each step in your journey, is a testament to your strength.
In Conclusion: A Message of Hope
The strategies we've discussed – from setting boundaries to seeking professional help – are tools to build a holiday experience that respects and celebrates who we are. Let this season be a time of empowerment, a period where we not only survive but thrive.
In this journey, you're not alone. We walk this path together, a community united in our diverse experiences.
I encourage you to share your strategies and stories in the comments. If you're seeking resources or supportive communities, please explore the links provided.
Remember, your story is powerful, your identity is valid, and your presence in this world is a cause for celebration. Happy holidays, and may this season bring you peace, joy, and a reaffirmation of the incredible person you are.
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Author: Reynard Warden
Reynard is a transgender man and freelance writer from South Africa, a land where the spirit of the earth pulses with stories. His unique journey, rich with its own twists and turns, has unfailingly led him back to his true north: the art of writing. To connect with Reynard and learn more about his work, visit here.
Images created with DALL.E
